I went over to my, now-deceased, aunt’s house to see her husband and give my condolences. I really did not want to go, because I knew I’d be a mess. The entire ride down there my mom thought I had a bad attitude and when we got there she told me to change it before I went in. Well, what actually happened is I broke down into tears for a good five minutes. I went in and cried even more. 

Then, to make me feel shittier, everyone was asking me if I remembered them, you know, not on purpose to make me feel bad, but legitimately asking me, because I had not been down there in about a year-and-a-half or so. I just felt like shit, because these wonderful people missed me and thought about me, and I just never wanted to be there. Not because of them was I not there, but because my aunt was someone with a rough character. Her attitude was not the best and I never felt comfortable in her house. When we stayed there over night for days, I just wanted to leave. And so, I never spoke to her again. My mom did not either, because they got in an awful fight with my two uncles involved, and that was that. 

I feel guilty.

 Now she’s dead. 

we were close way before everything went down. We loved each other very much. I knew I was her favorite nephew, and everyone kept telling me how she spoke of me and that she loved me very much. 

This is really hard. Now it’s done. 

I feel awful.